Tuesday, August 12, 2008

5 Years Ago

5 year's ago today my father passed away. Prior to his death he had battled pancreatic cancer for 2.5 years. The anniversary of his death is a bittersweet time for me where I try more to focus on the blessings that have come and are yet to come. I know with absolute certainty that my father is in heaven and that he is no longer in pain but in constant worship of our Lord and I often envy him of that peace and happiness as I struggle on Earth through my own sin. That to me is a wonderful blessing and praise!
I also love to think about how faithful our heavenly father is. You see when my father was diagnosed with cancer they gave him 3-6 months to live and he lived for 2.5 years! God was also faithful to grant my father his dying wish, which was to see his first grandchild, my son HJ. HJ was born exactly 7 weeks prior to my father's death. Dealing with much of the grief surrounding his death was done for me in the context of that wonderful new blessing in my life and also through a sleep deprived haze that every new mother feels. However, the memories of my father's awe inspired face as he looked at and held this new little life is a memory I will carry with me forever. I try and hold fast to the sweetness and not the loss and pain.
I also love to think what he would think about my kids now. I know that he would be tickled and proud of HJ's love for football. He too (as most men do) loved football. He loved UT but more so he was a Redskin fan. I grin to think about the vie that would be going on between KJ and my Dad to gain HJ's attention toward their favorite teams. My Mom is trying to teach HJ about the Redskins and HJ has more interest than most (especially in Tennessee) for the Redskins. However, HJ will ultimately become a Titan's fan (which would have been okay with Dad too). My father would just be so proud to call my little sports fan his grandson!
I also get tickled thinking about my stoic and reserved father being completely wrapped around the pinky of a certain little pink and purple princess. I think he would be completely at the mercy of little CG and there would be more pictures of the two of them than we would know what to do with.
So anyway, I thought I would think about him today in happy sweet moments and try not to dwell on the sad. He would not want any of us to do any less. He hated to be the center of attention, especially sad attention!


Joy said...

I have been thinking about you! Thanks for sharing your heart and thoughts with us!

The Moon Family said...

Thank you for sharing! I knew it was coming up, but didn't realize it was today. Robby lost his only cousin on this day as well. I'm so glad and thankful that you got those 2.5 years with him!

The Simpson Family said...

What precious memories of you father! And what a beautiful post; it encourages me to look at the blessings I have rather than dwell on difficult things. Thanks for sharing!

The Davis Family said...

What a sweet tribute! He would not only be proud of your kids, but also very proud of the woman and mother and wife that you are.

Chesapeake Beach MD said...

My sister mentioned your blog. How sweet and yes CJ would have him at hello. Take care, KP

Are We There Yet?? said...

I can't believe it's been 5 years! I remember thinking how amazing it was that he hung on to see HJ. What a wonderful gift from God for both you and your father!